


one look, and i fall apart

by flavus



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Jamilton - Freeform, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-11 17:52:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11719446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flavus/pseuds/flavus
Summary: prompt: "Remember when you promised we'd always be together? Because I remember when I thought you meant it."five times thomas & alex say those words to different people, in different situations, and one time when alex says it to thomas.





	one look, and i fall apart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nextredpaladin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nextredpaladin/gifts).



> hello, it turns that i am averse to both a) writing super angsty jamilton & b) word limits. (sorry about that!)
> 
> hope you enjoy it anyway :)

_i. argue like you need it to survive_

"Mr. Washington, what do you mean that you aren't gonna put us on the same debate team?"

The said Mr. George Washington buried his face into his hands, wishing he could burrow into the ground. Alexander Hamilton, one of his students, had just stormed into his classroom, a look of pure, undiluted rage fixed on his face.

"Alex, son, you and Thomas argue all the time. You argue more than I thought was humanly possible, and I've been coaching this debate team for almost eight years. Your disagreements distract from the friendliness of debates."

Alex did not look in the least reassured. "Our disagreements are friendly, Mr. Washington, and with all due respect, don't call me son! In fact, I'd say our disagreements strengthen the arguments of our team."

George shot him an unconvinced look. "Then, if they're so friendly, why do you look like you want to rip his face off every time he opens his mouth?"

"Every time who opens their mouth?" came a familiar Southern drawl from the doorway of the classroom.

"Great," Alex muttered. "Of all the times in the world to walk in-"

"Oh, come in, Thomas," George said pleasantly, plastering a smile on his face while still managing to glare at Alex, who wondered how his favorite teacher had mastered that trick. "We were just talking about the recent reassignment for debate teams."

Thomas cocked an eyebrow in confusion. "What reassignment? I was here to ask you about the assignment you just gave us for polisci."

"Nerd," Alex whispered under his breath.

"Like you didn't already ask the upperclassmen what they did this time of the year just so you could be half done with this assignment by the time it was assigned," Thomas shot back.

The upperclassmen were doing that? George wondered. He really had to update his lesson plans. Shaking his head, he got back to the business at hand - keeping some of his two most intelligent students from exploding and making his classroom a mess.

George cleared his throat and both the men snapped to attention, something that made George smirk to himself just the slightest bit.

"Well, Thomas, I've decided to reassign you and Alex to different teams. You'll be on the A team as you already are, and Alex will be on the B team."

"I'm on the B team? You didn't mention that at all! I thought I would be on the same team," Alex protested, eyes flashing.

"It's not like the B team is any less skilled, Alex," George said, a cautionary tone in his voice.

"Aw, Alex, you're going to miss me? Never thought I'd hear even an implication of that come from your smug little face," Thomas chuckled, his smile a mockery of the Cheshire cat's grin. Alex wanted to wipe the emotion from Thomas's face with a well-placed punch, but instead settled for another verbal retort.

"Yeah, I'd miss you, if you were an actual person I could miss," he snorted, eliciting another glare from George.

"Boys!" He slammed his fist down, causing them to jump back. "This decision is not subject to discussion, at least for the time being. And do not think of sending me angry emails to try and convince me otherwise, Alex, or I will be blocking you from both my work email and the personal email I have no idea how you managed to get." George stood up to leave, but not before Alex shot him one imploring look, ignoring Thomas's presence.

"But, sir - Remember when you promised we'd always be together? Because I remember when I thought you meant it."

Alex pretended he didn't see Thomas's cheeks flush, pretended he didn't wonder if it was from embarrassment or something else, and made direct eye contact with George.

"Fine, fine. I'll postpone the reassignment until our next debate, and hopefully" - he gave the both of them a pointed, piercing glare - "the two of you can remain civil until then."

With that, he walked out of the room, leaving two confused but oddly, disconcertingly satisfied students in his wake.

* * *

 

_ii. i didn't get a say (traded my heart away)_

James looked at Thomas, concerned.

"Thomas, no matter how long you stare at that water, it isn't going to boil until it's ready."

"I'm boiling, can't my anger make this water boil faster, too?" Thomas spat out angrily.

His roommate rolled his eyes, but out of kindness. He knew how Thomas got, when his anxiety was starting to gnaw at him, when he wanted to be with someone in quiet company even when he acted like he preferred the complete opposite.

James was just glad that, when him and Thomas had broken up, they'd stayed friends, because they'd been friends before and the most natural thing was to fall back into their old friendship. Plus, at least James still had use for all the extraneous info he'd learned about Thomas.

"Can you believe the audacity of Hamilton? That rude immigrant prick! So he drags me out to a coffeeshop so we can work on the newest project from Benjamin Franklin's class, then says he has to go to the bathroom and doesn't come back. He ditched me, Jemmy. And he hasn't even texted back to explain, and the coffeeshop filled up so fast-"

To stop the sob that James knew was coming to his friend's lips, he hugged the trembling man from behind, gently. "Look down at the pot."

"The water's boiling," Thomas whispered, gratefully. His breathing was still erratic and his hands were still shaking, so James grabbed the box of macaroni - thankfully Thomas had decided to go the homemade and not the Kraft route today - and poured out what looked like a few cups of pasta into the water.

"Remember when you promised we'd always be together? Because I remember when I thought you meant it." James looked taken aback, but Thomas continued. "At least romantically," Thomas said to James once he'd regained control of his breathing, the pasta was finished, and they'd settled down at the table. "I'm glad that you still mean it, even if not in the same way. I'm glad that you're still here."

"Likewise," James smiled at him across the table. "Even if it means I have to pretend like I hate Hamilton and that he isn't someone I used to be a pretty close friend with when you complain about all the inadvertent mistakes, the 'I'm not into him, he just has a nice ass' protests, and disagreements the two of you have."

"You love me anyway, Jemmy." Thomas winked. "And besides, I'm not wrong, Alex does have a nice ass. I can look, but it doesn't mean I want to touch."

"That I do to the first thing, sure it doesn't to the second. Sure it doesn't."

* * *

 

_iii. do who you do_

"Eliza," Alex whined. "He's impossible."

"Why is it you always call me to complain about Thomas?" He could hear Eliza's impatience across the line, and as always, it brought a smile to his face. Despite their break-up in sophomore year of high school being one of the more painful things Alex had experienced - no, he did not completely break down and sob while singing along to Mr. Brightside, repeatedly - the two of them had begun a tentative friendship once they ran into each other in the library, Eliza having gone to NYU, a hop and a skip away from Columbia.

"I used up my Thomas complain quota with the boys," Alex muttered, slightly ashamed. Eliza's tinkling laugh followed that statement.

"Oh, Alex, I can't believe they've created an actual complaint system. Maybe I should-"

"Don't, please, I'll have to drown in my thoughts of how annoying he is without being able to talk about how much he exasperates me, and I know Aaron won't listen either, he always comments on the 'unresolved and heightening sexual tension' between us and-"

"So, do you ever think that he's right?"

"'Liza, how could you level such a base accusation at me?" He let out an exaggerated gasp that elicited another fit of giggles from Eliza. "Just because I think the man has incredibly soft hair, and no, I didn't touch it on purpose, it just brushed against me when he bent to pick up his pencil and was sitting next to me during a debate club meeting, and no, I definitely do not want to run my hands through it while seeing if those abs are just as rock-hard as they look-"

"Take a breath, Alex, it doesn't have to be more than just sex if you need it to be," Eliza reassured him, ironic considering Eliza was one of the most romantic people Alex knew.

"Because that worked so well before for me," Alex deadpanned, remembering how Eliza had found him in a...compromising position with his other ex and still-best friend, John Laurens, while they were experimenting. They'd long since thrown out the notion of becoming romantic, but the damage was done.

He heard Eliza's soft sigh, and impulsively threw out a question.

"Remember when you promised we'd always be together?"

There was silence on the other end of the line, until she laughed, a little bit wistfully. "Yeah, of course. Because I remember when I thought you meant it."

"Oh, 'Liza-"

"It's okay, Alex. I've forgiven you, I'd forgiven you a long time ago. Just - if you do try to be enemies with benefits with Thomas, just be very explicit if it's only about sex, because - well, because. Good luck!" she finished, with her usual cheery tone, and hung up.

Alex sat there after the call finished, fiddling with his fingers for a good ten minutes, wondering what Eliza meant by saying Thomas might have been hurt if Alex just wanted him for sex.

* * *

 

_iv. nobody needs to know (i'm the one on your mind)_

"Who's ready to turn up tonight!" Angelica crowed as she ushered the small crowd of her friends into her apartment as the sky just began to turn dark.

"Let's get lit!" John echoed back, an exclamation peppered with loud cheers from Herc, Laf, Peggy, and Alex. Aaron was taking a Snapchat video of everyone, and Thomas leaned over to peer at the caption - "Who wants to bet that they already had shots before coming here?" complete with a smirk emoji.

"Aaron Burr, never thought you'd be one for the smirk emoji," Thomas teased him. Aaron chuckled.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Thomas."

"Do I need to be level five friend to unlock your tragic background?"

"More like level fifty."

"Fair enough," he laughed, stepping back. Conversation with Aaron was always strangely comforting and familiar, a different dynamic than his conversations with James, or Alex. Speaking of the smaller man, he was planting himself firmly in front of Angelica's plasma HD sixty-inch TV.

He was nearly dwarfed by the sheer size of the TV, and it nearly made Thomas collapse in giggles. Instead, he pressed his lips together tightly and asked Angelica what they were doing. With a devious smile, she held up a plastic case.

"Mario-Kart."

As the night wore on, and Mario-Kart turned into a drinking game - the top three racers had to take the number of shots that corresponded to the place they'd gotten, first, second, or third - Thomas found himself getting a little woozy. He'd been third twice and first once, and the shots were taking a toll on his brain.

Ham - Alex was blurring into a pleasantly adorable blob and the incessant buzzing of fear that he'd mess up in front of his friends had quieted to a dim numbness. Lafayette, who was on his team, which included him, Laf, Herc, James, and Peggy against Eliza, Angelica, Alex, John, and Aaron, decided to jump ship after both John and Aaron passed out, draped over each other on the sofa.

"Gilbert," Thomas vaguely registered himself drawling out. "Why are you leaving me? Our team needs you. Remember when you promised we'd always be together? Because I remember when I thought you meant it," he said, words slurring together while he tried to turn his focus back to the brightly colored TV screen.

Laf just patted him on the head in an attempt to console him. "Do not worry, mon ami, I will take pictures of mon petit lion for you. You do not think that he knows, and he does not know himself, but I know." The statement was punctuated by a wink, but Thomas hadn't gotten over Laf's betrayal and was now fighting the irrational urge to cry.

He didn't notice the way Alex's eyes flicked over to him, concern etched on his face, before he passed out on the sofa.

He didn't feel Alex putting a warm blanket over him, a little bit later.

* * *

 

_v. thirty minutes of destructive disagreements_

Ever since the party, Alex realized that he had a hopeless crush on Thomas Jefferson, one that increased every day. And to make matters worse, they still argued, both in and out of debate club.

It was only the complete stupidity of Thomas's opinions that gave Alex the strength to look straight into the other man's eyes and temporarily be blinded to his attractiveness, as he had to do often in the structured debates Washington held.

"Net neutrality isn't viable within our system, Thomas. The Internet is just as much a business as anything else, and when we pay for Internet services, we are subject to the terms and conditions of those businesses just as we are bound to the terms and conditions when dealing with any brick-and-mortar or traditional business."

"But the ubiquity of the Internet, I'd say, makes it a utility more than a business. Sure, it's something that we get charged for, but at the same time it's so pervasive and essentially necessary for living in the environment that we've built up. I don't believe Internet providers and websites have the authority to prioritize traffic, especially since the Internet should be democratic and accessible to everyone."

"Democratic?" Alex scoffed, steering the argument from civilized to heated. "What would you know about democratic? And accessible, at that - you live some hoity-toity lifestyle that none of us can reach because we weren't born into wealth like you. And you don't know how to do anything except blow around hot air, since that's all you were taught to do because you had servants who did everything for you!"

Thomas's face blanched at that, unlike his normal reactions during their debates, and Aaron, who was sitting next to Alex, winced. To the rest of the room, Thomas looked like he was walking calmly out of the room. To Aaron and Alex, who were closest to him, he was pale and shaking when he stepped out.

Aaron shot a look to Alexander. "What did you do?"

"I don't know," Alex whispered. "I-"

"Remember when you promised we'd always be together? In the sense that I'd teach you what I learned in debate, and you'd actually listen?" Aaron said, never breaking eye contact with Alex. "Because I remember when I thought you meant it. That's ad hominem, and you know that."

"What do I do?" he groaned, oblivious to the continuation of the debate around him.

Aaron lifted his eyebrows and tilted his head toward the door, the tiniest of smirks on his face.

"Go get your boy, tomcat."

* * *

 

_vi. the world is wide enough_

Alex tossed his messenger bag on the ground and came into the kitchen to find his boyfriend slumped on the couch, channel surfing.

"Hey, bad day at work?"

"The worst. I spent the entire day arguing with this immovable force who just wouldn't shut up and listen to reason."

"Are you talking about yourself?"

"Hah, you wish. You know that you're in love with this voice of mine."

"I'd hate to be stuck listening to it for much long-" Thomas cut off Alex with a rough kiss, pulling him closer and tangling his hands in Alex's silky brown hair.

"Well, that solved a problem," Alex breathed out, admiring the angle of Thomas's face. "You have an extraordinarily nice jawbone."

"Chiseled by God himself," Thomas winked. "But that's not the point. The point is that you'll be stuck listening to my voice for much, much longer."

Suddenly, Alex saw something he thought he'd never see: Thomas Jefferson, on his knees, before him. (Although he'd definitely seen Thomas on his knees in far different contexts, not that he particularly disliked this one.)

"Alexander Hamilton, may I have the horror" - A bitter look from Alex - "ahem, pleasure, of putting up with you for the rest of our lives?"

"Well, if you put it that way, how could I say no?" Alex whispered, pretending that he wasn't teary-eyed. "Goddamn Southerners."

At the wedding reception, Alex made it his mission to make Thomas cry, in retaliation of all the times that Thomas made Alex want to tear his hair out when insisting that "off-white is different than cream" and "vanilla and french vanilla are different flavors" and "if you're not wearing anything magenta, who are you?". (But also, because Thomas was cute when he cried. He was pretty much always cute, though.)

"Remember when you promised we'd always be together? Because I remember when I thought you meant it," Alex began his vows, looking into Thomas's eyes, which were filled with adulation and love.

"Are you breaking up with me, at the altar? I thought I deserved more than that," Thomas drawled.

"I remember when I thought you meant it, or rather, I remember when I knew you meant it. The moment you sat still and listened to my opinions and conceded that I made some good points, then proceeded to dissect my logic even in the middle of some heated sex. I can't think of anyone else who makes me warm the way you do: you roast me in arguments - well, five percent of the time" - "It's definitely more like ninety percent" - "and you warm me up even on my coldest days. You've brought a blush to my face for numerous reasons" - "Alexander, you will absolutely be the death of me" - "and there is no one else in this world I can imagine having the guts to put up with me for the rest of my life. You are the bravest and silliest person I know, becase you're the only one I know who still sings Blues Clues songs as a semi-functional adult, and I don't know if there's a God, but if there is, they blessed me with you, and I am eternally grateful."

Needless to say, Thomas sobbed.

(Aaron caught it on video, and Thomas pretended like he would never live it down, but everyone knew that he - and Alex - were more than satisfied.)

**Author's Note:**

> kudos, comments, and bookmarks make my day (but thank you for reading, regardless!) :--)
> 
> find me @sillyhypotheticals on tumblr


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